In a continuing trend where the “Game of Thrones” powers that be name their episodes after minor scenes that have little to do with the memorable moments; we get “First of His Name” named after the crowing of King Tommen Baratheon. (Are we still pretending he’s a Baratheon? Doesn’t everyone already know that he’s not?) Beyond that, we head back to the Vale, where the women are creepy and the children wear their hair in bowl cuts. Let’s do some “Game of Thrones” recapping, shall we?
An Old Mystery Solved
Where to begin? I guess we’ll start with the new ruler of the seven kingdoms, the Andals and the First men. I think he’s also the Burger king and the owner of the LA Kings hockey team. There are a lot of titles, I can’t keep track. Well Tommen is crowned without incident. Cersei notices Margaery eyeing him and it looks like she’s going to confront her, but instead they have a nice friendly chat about how awesome Tommen is. Obviously the game is on here.
Cersei later talks to Tywin about the upcoming Tommen-Margaery wedding and even her own with Loras. Tywin tells his dear daughter about how much they owe the Iron Bank of Braavos and how the Tyrells are helping with the debt. With all the talk this season about the bank, I’m expecting bad ass money collector ninjas or something to show up in coming weeks. The remaining scene in King’s Landing has Cersei ask Prince Oberyn about her daughter Myrcella, who is currently living in Dorn. She asks him to bring her a ship she had made for her. The scene isn’t very exciting but I still clapped when Oberyn showed up on screen. The guy is that awesome.
Our return to the Vale has Little Finger hiding Sansa’s identity. But Lysa Arryn knows who she is. Lysa’s son Robin proceeds to throw Little Finger’s gift out the moon door in a nice reminder to why we’re just so happy Joffrey is gone. Spoiled brats of Westeros, there are just so many. Also, it must be said that whenever Robin shows up, I am compelled to sing the “Sir Robin” song from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. (Sir) Robin and Sansa leave the room so Lysa and Little Finger can proceed to make out like creeps.
Lysa also spills the beans that it was Little Finger’s plan to poison Jon Arryn. You remember Jon Arryn. He was the former hand of the king who was dead in the opening scene of season one. The death that caused Ned Stark to come to King’s Landing, compelling him to find out Cersei’s children weren’t Robert’s, which caused him to be beheaded, which set into motion the entire horrific chain of events that is “Game of Thrones”!!!! I guess we’re painting Little Finger as viewer enemy number one now that Joffrey is dead.
After Little Finger marries Lysa, she later attacks Sansa thinking Sansa and Little Finger are getting it on. They’re not. I also need to add that Sansa’s strategy of exclaiming “you’re hurting me” doesn’t seem to work in getting people to stop hurting her. Maybe she should try something different than being whiny and defenseless. Lysa says Sansa will marry Robin once her husband, Tyrion, is put to death for killing Joffrey.
We meet up with a few smaller storylines that build for future weeks with some of our pals. So here are some quick updates. 1- Daenerys learns about Joffrey’s death and considers sailing for King’s Landing. Instead, with Ser Jorah’s advice, she decides she will rule Slaver’s Bay before heading to Westeros. 2- On the Kingsroad, Brienne and Podrick are making a strong case for why they are our new favorite “Game of Thrones” odd couple. It turns out Pod, who was so capable for Tyrion, is a terrible squire who doesn’t know how to do anything. Brienne tries to get rid of him, but he’s just so dang loyal. She softens to him a bit after he tells the story of saving Tyrion at the Blackwater. 3. Going north, Arya and the Hound, the current number one odd couple, are hanging out catching some z’s. Arya is reciting her hit list and it turns out the Mountain is on the Hound’s list as well. She finishes her list by mentioning her companion’s name. The next morning, Arya is practicing with needle. The Hound insults her and has her attack him. His armor deflects the shot easily.
Now we go to the episode’s big event. In the far north, Jon and his crew arrive at Craster’s Keep ready to attack the mutineers. Inside, Karl is going to rape Meera, but is delayed long enough for the Night’s Watch to invade. Locke sneaks away and steals Bran to bring him back to Roose Bolton, but Bran ain’t having it. He wargs Hodor (can it be used as a verb?) and breaks free, chasing down Locke. When he catches him, he breaks Locke’s neck in a fit of awesome Hodor strength. Bran possessing Hodor is like the “Game of Thrones” version of the Hulk and I like it.
Jon battles Karl and eventually kills him with a sword through the back of the head. Jojen convinces Bran that they shouldn’t reveal themselves to Jon since he won’t let them continue north. Will any Starks ever get to interact again? Hodor frees Summer from her cage and Ghost, after killing Rast, reconnects with Jon. Craster’s wives decide they don’t want to go to the Wall and suggest burning down Craster’s Keep. I am thoroughly shocked that all our “good” characters made it through this battle unscathed. Even Jon’s minor character friends made it out. How un-“Game of Thrones” like.
So that’s that. The wolves are free, Locke is dead, and Bran can trade in his crippled, little boy body for a giant, incredibly strong dude when he wants to. We’ll keep an eye on how often he uses this power in the coming weeks. And also, Little Finger? What a jerk.