Top Ten Pokémon I Want to Be Skinned Alive and Turned into a Throw Rug for My Humble Abode

Pokémon trainers time and time again run into a problem: “What do I with the Pokémon I don’t want to train?” Trading is a wash and releasing them feels like a waste so I’ve come up with a simple and thrifty solution to this all: throw rugs. Follow me and I’ll tell you the top ten Pokémon on my design wishlist.

Joltik

Can you imagine how soft and fluffy the yellow fuzz of this cuddly Poké-creature would be on my feet as I shuffle to get my morning MooMoo Milk? I mean sure, Joltik is only 4 inches tall so I’d have to do like a 101 Dalmatians type operation to make it work, but the static shock unwanted rivals would get when they storm into my home would make it all worth it.

Tangrowth

A textured type rug that is a more of a conversation piece than anything. Like a shag carpet times ten, this Pokémon’s pelt will grab onto you and not let go so probably not a hallway rug.

Arcanine

Heated floors are all the rage today but not everyone can afford them (i.e. me), however, there is a more affordable route I could go. Enter Arcanine. This furry beast will provide a warm and fluffy cushion for my feet as I creep to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Arcanine’s natural weakness to water unfortunately makes it a poor candidate for a bath rug.

Arbok

Smooth and purple with a geometric design. Arbok would make a rug that adds an exotic flair to my home. Perfect for a guest room.

Lilligant

This seasonal rug will be a sweet-smelling addition to my home. The bright colors and floral touches really spell “Spring.” And with Lilligant’s inability to inherit poison point, this Pokémon is a safe and smart choice to add to my Pokémon-based floor covering collection.

Jigglypuff

I don’t know about you but when I’m doing kitchen chores my feet get tired. Whether it’s cooking or cleaning I want something nice and bouncy to stand on. I can’t afford one of those fancy foam and rubber mats so I’m thinking my next best bet is, you guessed it, another Pokémon. Jigglypuff is described as the balloon Pokémon so I can only imagine how light and airy this rug will feel as I’m baking up some poffins for the Pokémon that I’m not sacrificing to my home décor. Although, Jigglypuff is kind of small so I might realistically opt for a Jigglypuff-Driffbloom blend. Might also make a good gift for my mom.

Joey’s Rattata

I really only procure the best quality materials for my home and Joey offers only the best. Screw you Joey I’ll use your Pokémon as a coaster for my MooMoo Milk.

Arceus

There’s a saying in interior decorating: “Go big or go home.” And since we are talking about decorating my home there’s nowhere else to go but Arceus. This Pokémon I’m pretty sure is God? So, like that’s a powerplay. Also it will change colors like a mood ring depending on which type plate I’m using to prop open my door.

Nurse Joy

Get it because she’s a Pokémon???????????

Whitney’s Miltank

I’ve never actually played this game. I’m just trying to appeal to the masses.