Snowballs, Sleds, and Scarves–It’s a ‘Bob’s Burgers’ Winter Spectacular!

Bob’s Burgers Season 9, Episode 10: “Better Off Sled”

Remember how awesome snow days used to be? Outside of a gift-receiving holiday like Christmas or your birthday, a snow day was the best thing in the world. Snow on the ground meant we could stay home from school and roll around in the freezing cold and get ice all in our clothes! And then we’d run back inside to complain about how cold it was, and then we’d make our moms bundle us back up so we could go back out and do it all over again. That cycle would repeat itself every half-hour or so. Such a magical time.

(Okay, I get the fact that some of you probably lived in cities with responsible governments that prepared for weather events, so you had to go to school regardless. But those of us who grew up in the South loved the fact that even a slight dusting of the white stuff (or maybe just an ominous forecast) would bring the entire school system to a screeching halt for weeks on end. It was glorious.)

But what do you do when the older kids have taken away your favorite snow-related activity and would rather use you for snowball target practice than let you have fun? Or, to put it in terms most of us can relate to: how do you handle a bully?

One option is to enlist the help of some older kids to fight for you. Rudy’s cousin Mandy is more than happy to use her softball-pitching skills to keep Logan at bay, and that works for a little while. But then Logan finds Cameron, the high school hoops star who shoots basketball-sized snowballs back at Team Belcher, so the kids are back at Square One.

You can also choose the nuclear option and take out the entire hill. Louise knows that having Teddy plow the hill means no sledding, but it would also mean no snowballs. And Louise is more than happy to sacrifice her own fun as long as her enemy loses as well. She even seems willing to let Teddy go down for using his snowplow in the park, but it has to be done.

The only problem with that is, even when we try to blow everything up, things have a way of working themselves out in spite of our–well, spite. Fresh snow means that not only do Logan and his crew now have even more ammunition, but they also have the icy, crusty snow left by Teddy’s plow to make even harder snowballs. So that doesn’t work too well, either.

Of course, the only effective way to deal with a bully is to stand up to him. And when Louise chooses to do so, she gets plenty of support—first from Tina and Gene, and then from what looks like the entire high school women’s athletics department. They seem to share a common hatred for Logan, and so they all jump at the chance to make his life a little more miserable and his pants a little snowier. In a nice twist, Louise actually shows Logan a small amount of mercy at the end (but not too much).

Meanwhile, Linda’s determined to knit scarves for the kids. The only problem is that, even with inspiration from the Knit-Cracker, she’s just not that good at it. But Bob is, and so he knits a couple of quality scarves to go with Linda’s scary one. As luck would have it, the kids all end up fighting over Linda’s strange-looking scarf because it’s unique. And because these are the Belcher kids, who would much rather have something defective and weird over something normal. Okay, maybe not all the time. But at least where scarves are concerned.

This will be our last visit to Bob’s Burgers in 2018, so we’ll meet back at the restaurant in January. And if you’ve missed any of our previous Season 11 discussions, you can catch up here. Feel free to leave comments—I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Random thoughts:

• Yes, I know Tina mentions that the Wagstaff kids are on Christmas break, so my earlier musings about missing school because of snow is largely irrelevant. But I enjoyed writing it, so I’m leaving it in. Feel free to skip that part if you go back and read this again.
• Only Teddy would have a childhood bully who was also an Eagle Scout who volunteered with the homeless. Also, becoming a doctor just so you can get your bully as a patient and tell him he only has a month to live is the perfect revenge plan.
• Speaking of Teddy, I agree that plowing a church parking lot should count as church attendance should you ever have to prove that you went to church for some odd reason.
• Linda’s Etsy store for selling scarves would be called Scarving Children. Wow–this has to be the pun-niest show ever!
• I realize the preceding joke was corny and terrible and cringe-worthy. I stand by it anyway. It made me laugh. Deal with it.
• Storefront next door: Manger Danger (baby-proofing)
• Exterminator: Silent Mites
• Burger of the Day: I’m going with the Santa Slaws is Coming to Town burger, only because I didn’t get the Smilla’s Sense of Snowpeas joke until I looked it up.