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Best Quotes From the Whedonverse

by Sophia Davies

Joss Whedon, otherwise known as god of the nerds, is famous for his complex characters, fascinating storylines, and amazing action scenes. But what really sets him apart is his dialog. Snappy, smart, and sarcastic, Joss’s characters’ one liners are the stuff of legend. Here are some of the most memorable quotes from all of the Whedonverse.

“I wear the cheese, it does not wear me.” – The Cheese Man

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Joss Whedon has directly stated that the Cheese Man is the only thing in Buffy that did not have any meaning whatsoever, but that doesn’t stop the fans from inventing dozens of theories in attempts to interpret the purpose of the bizarre cheese-obsessed man who appeared in the Scooby Gang’s dreams. It’s the very fact that the Cheese Man is not in fact a metaphor for anything and is a completely random invention that has made his line a classic and ensured we will never forget him.

“What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me.” – Tony Stark

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In a nice subversion of the trope where a heartbroken girlfriend kisses their fallen boyfriend goodbye, Tony Stark wakes up from presumed death (but come on, we all knew he wasn’t dead) and instead of celebrating the joy of being alive, is immediately worried that someone might have laid one on him.

“I do NOT have puppet cancer!”
– Angel

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“Smile Time” was one of the last comedic episodes of the increasingly grim fifth season of Angel. Immediately preceding the traumatizing “A Hole in the World”, it was like an enjoyable calm before the very unpleasant, very depressing storm. Watching puppet Angel vehemently deny that he had puppet cancer, tackle Spike, and emerge from the werewolf’s cage bleeding stuffing were some of the highlights of the entire show. Despite its silliness, “Smile Time” is still considered by many to be one of the best episodes of Angel.

“Let me answer that question with a head butt.” – Buffy

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There are times when we all want to either head butt the person asking the question or head butt the wall repeatedly, because despite what your teacher told you, there is such a thing as a stupid question. Luckily for Buffy, her slayer-status gave her the perfect excuse to get all the head butting out of her system before she started school in the morning.

“Occasionally, I’m callous and strange.” – Willow

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Willow didn’t know how accurate that statement would be, or the devastation her occasional callous strangeness would cause in season 6. While we might not try to destroy the world, we all have moments of occasional callous strangeness. Some more often than others.

Loki: “Enough! You are, all of you are beneath me! I am a god, you dull creature, and I shall not be bullied…”

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The Hulk : “Puny god.”

There’s not much more to be said for that one. It is an instant classic.

“Well, my time of not taking you seriously is coming to a middle.” – Mal

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This is one that I simply must use in everyday conversation. It sounds like you are about to give a backhanded compliment, but the surprise twist is that it’s pure insult. A kinder way of saying “you’re an idiot”, you can impress your frenemy by showing off your wit at the same time as dissing them to their face. They will respect you so much they won’t even stay mad (in theory anyway; I have yet to test it).

“Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!”
– Wash

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Every fictional character should take a lesson in cynicism. They always seem to be shocked at the betrayal of obviously shady people, even though the audience saw it coming a mile off. The crestfallen looks on their faces always belies their shocking lack of suspicion and makes them look incredibly dim-witted. Perhaps fictional characters aren’t the only people who should learn to trust a little less easily.

Post your favorite quotes in the comments.

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