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Alternatives to Going to Comic Con

by Ariel Hoffmaier

So you didn’t land Comic Con tickets…again.

Across the country, across the world even, there are people who do currently have tickets to this pinnacle celebration of geekdom. Right now, these people are no doubt perfecting their portfolios, putting the final tweaks on their cosplays, and packing their bags for sunny San Diego. We salute them, those lucky bastards, and we definitely don’t wish we could pry their 4-day passes from their gloves, tentacles, or other hand-like appendages. We wave them away with joy and absolutely not burning envy in our hearts, knowing that there are totally better things we could be doing this weekend. These things include:

1. Expanding your Geek Horizons.

Get your little brother to drill you on Star Trek trivia. Learn common Eldarin. Crochet that Stormtrooper ski mask you’ve been eyeing on Etsy. Tattoo the Deathly Hallows sigil  on your butt, while you’re at it. Become the better geek, the more powerful one, so that no San Diego Comic Con attendee can question your supreme geek prowess. Only one geek can rule them all, and in your newly minted Terminator suit, you will be the master.

2. Insisting that [blank] Con is sooo much better anyway.

[blank] Con was really fun when you went that last time. It was close to home, and not very expensive, and not too crowded either! You got to meet that one dude who wrote/drew/acted for that thing. Now [blank] Con was a good time. You’re totally going again. Who needs overpriced, far away, packed San Diego Comic Con? You bet – what? Who’s gonna be there? The entire cast of hit shows Orphan Black and Hannibal? And lead Spider-Man writer Dan Slott? And Jim Steranko who has done everything? Well, there’s always [blank] Con.

3. Starting a Complicated and Time-Consuming Project.

If anyone asks you about Comic Con, just sigh loudly. Yeah, you totally would have gone if you hadn’t been so busy that weekend. You wanted to, sure, but you were just downright swamped with work. And you know what they say about fits of creative inspiration. You don’t? Oh, just that when the motivation strikes you have to make good on that and…work…and not go to Comic Con.

4. Binge-Watching Reruns to Forget the Pain.

This weekend is right about the perfect time to start rewatching every show you’ve ever enjoyed. Pull down the blinds, do not remove your pajamas, design an intricate pulley system that will deliver food directly into your mouth at 30-minute intervals. Bathroom breaks are for the weak. Find a comfortable surface to nest upon, and watch to forget. Whenever you remember that a writer /actor/producer for the show you are currently watching is at San Diego Comic Con, switch shows and watch some more. Emerge on Monday morning with haunted eyes and a concerned personal message from Netflix. Netflix doesn’t know your life.

5. Deciding to Do Real Adult Things.

You’re a rational thinker. And rationally, you shouldn’t even be upset about this. Hasn’t your mother/boss/frenemy been telling you for years that you’re too old for this stuff anyway? Maybe they have a point. Maybe you should spend this time working on your resume, or cleaning up the house, or jogging, or filing your taxes. What’s Comic Con anyway? A place where geeks gather to be geeky? A wonderful, magical place where thousands of diverse yet like-minded people share in the joy of what they love? Wow, who are you even kidding… maybe you’ll swing tickets next year.

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