Home Geek LifeCulture Undistressed Damsel: Melina from Total Recall

Undistressed Damsel: Melina from Total Recall

by Emma Marshall
Melina Total Recall

In dystopian societies, set in our not-so-distant, futures. Women usually come in three different types. The powerful. The ones with three breasts. The rebel.

In this week’s Undistressed Damsel, I’m focusing on the rebel known as Melina in Total Recall.

There are differences between ‘original’ Total Recall Melina and 2012 remake of Total Recall. Both are awesome ladies (played by awesome ladies) who are quite deserving of the title of Undistressed Damsel.

They both kick their fair share of tail and manage to save the drama of “Wait, you have a WIFE?!” until after the world has been saved. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, in any movie, it’s when someone decides they need to turn the scene into something from Drama Island, rather than dealing with the issue at hand. Yes, it’s all really terrible. Bomb going off, nasty bad guys following you, stop thinking you’re in Twin Peaks and start running/shooting/running and shooting.

But my favourite of the two, only by a margin, is the remake Melina.

Let me tell you as for why.

1. She has to deal with the living reminder of his ex for the entire movie.

Original Melina has to deal with it for one or two scenes, then Lori Quaid isn’t an issue any more. In the remake, Lori Quaid is a very real issue. An issue with guns and a serious vendetta against pretty much everyone. The woman is like Terminator but without the circuits! Does Melina ‘Reboot’ let that bother her? Maybe. But she keeps her eye on the prize, rather than getting side tracked. Respect.

2. She ties her hair back.

I know I’ve mentioned it before. But it’s honestly one of the major things that bugs me in any action film that has ladies in it. It’s completely unrealistic to have anyone with long hair scaling a giant robot, or climbing up the side of the building, without at least employing the use of a scrunchie. It would be a hazard.

See, when you have your hair out, you get to look awesome and dangerous! Just like Lori Quaid. Lori Quaid is awesome, right? So her hairstyle is equally as awesome right?

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Hair out, looking foxy!

She is actually pretty awesome, but in reality, this is what happens-

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3. All of Melina’s clothes are practical.

Don’t get it twisted. Alice in the red dress in Resident Evil, the girls in Sucker Punch, any female superhero who wears a skirt. I think those outfits have their merit and a purpose.

But you cannot expect a real-world person to swan around in 6 inch heels AND fight bad guys ranging from zombies to an oligarchical regime. That’s how we get sprained ankles and back pain. No.

4. She’s got serious game face.

Game Face is the face you give when you’re about to do something terrifying, or experiencing a sad moment, but you push through it and get on with the job. Melina is all that and a bag of chips. She might have some pretty hairy questions for Quaid at the end of it and without a doubt she has serious grieving to do once the credits roll. But none of that stops her from jumping off things, shooting things, or bracing herself from impact in a car that’s about to hit the ground at scary miles-per-hour.

Girl is on mission.

And that’s why she’s the Undistressed Damsel of the week.


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